A Back Seat Driver Page 2
By Anthony Douglas Gere
Because if you see it or not, my world, is in their arms and out of my control. I
know I can protect you, and not saying they cant, but I know me and my
intentions, not theirs, so that is what ruffles my feathers, not them, but
something more than that hug that seems to be so innocent to many". Now
instantly, one may think I am a control freak, and I could sit here and argue yes
or no, but that would be far off of the point I am trying to make. I feel if I can’t
control me, my goals and more, who should I trust to make sure I have a
legitimate chance on reaching them? I have never been a man that has had a
problem admitting I am wrong, letting go or trusting. But what I do have a
problem with, is allowing someone to lead me where I already know the ending,
and not wanting or wishing to revisit a place I did all I could to get out of. So if
you know me or not, what you will find out very quickly in conversing and
interacting with me, is that I basically only talk about thing I know for a fact. Not
things I think I may know, but things I have tried, tested from many angles and
more. And even then, even when I know them backwards and forwards, I am
not allergic to growth or another way. But trust me, I need to see it in ways you
may not be familiar with, and that my friend, is why you will never see or hear of
me being, A Back Seat Driver in any car that me or Blair did not charter to take
me where I know I need to be.
Now a question I was recently asked by a viewer was, "ADGere, whats your
take on men that are on the DL". Well okay then, was my first response, and
had to really think about this one before answering it. Well like I will say to you
like I did to them, "I don’t know". I mean think about it; I am from The San
Francisco Bay Area. I mean come on, since I was a child, I seen more shit than
a toilet as far as freedom of expression, alternative lifestyles and more. That
very fabric on the cloth I have prospered from, is the freedom to be who you
are, and never allow anyone to tell you who you can become. I mean people in
my family that I adore, love and would give my left nut for, are gay, bi-sexual, tri-
sexual (will try anything) and more. Who am I to judge, and just like the swine
flu compared to AIDS, I think it is, what it is. And to go deeper on this cosmetic
topic, I met this woman once, that was if nothing else, honest, torn and driven
to make me stand idle in my journey to be all I was hoping to become. Maybe it
was my test, my lesson on maturity or whatever. But whatever it was, it
definitely got my attention when I wasn’t paying attention to my own selfish
needs to freely give away what I was taught to hold on to. First off, she was
attracted to me, sexy, in my age range and comes to find out after I tapped that
ass a few times, was, married. She had been married for many years, and the
relationship I guess was based on, convenience or comfort, or she was
straight up lying to me like the stranger I found out that I was to her wants, not
needs. Now if it was a lie or not, is not my point here. What part of my point is,
who did she think I was, one, who does she think she is, two, and why out of
the millions of people in this world, did she think that with her invitation for a
few romps in the sack every now and then, is what I inspire to be in a
relationship that is destined to be, what it is, and nothing but a moment leading
to another transparent moment. Out of the millions of people in this world, why
would I want to be in a situation where the final results, are based on failures,
unless that s where I wish to go? It’s a trip, and yeah, I have been that dude
before, enjoyed it, didn’t like it, loved the freedom but in the end, was nothing
but a back seat driver in my own vehicle. Hell even when I thought I was the
man in those moments, I quickly learned, that I wasn’t being a man at all, and
doing all I never knew, I didn’t want or wish to do or be known as. So yeah, in
many ways I thank her for using me. I thank her for making me degrade myself
and forcing me to look into a mirror that was cracked when I looked at it with
my eyes closed, and now sit back and wonder, does it take something like that,
to make me become like I am now, or was this a fluke and me understanding
the things I never understood?
By Anthony Douglas Gere
Because if you see it or not, my world, is in their arms and out of my control. I
know I can protect you, and not saying they cant, but I know me and my
intentions, not theirs, so that is what ruffles my feathers, not them, but
something more than that hug that seems to be so innocent to many". Now
instantly, one may think I am a control freak, and I could sit here and argue yes
or no, but that would be far off of the point I am trying to make. I feel if I can’t
control me, my goals and more, who should I trust to make sure I have a
legitimate chance on reaching them? I have never been a man that has had a
problem admitting I am wrong, letting go or trusting. But what I do have a
problem with, is allowing someone to lead me where I already know the ending,
and not wanting or wishing to revisit a place I did all I could to get out of. So if
you know me or not, what you will find out very quickly in conversing and
interacting with me, is that I basically only talk about thing I know for a fact. Not
things I think I may know, but things I have tried, tested from many angles and
more. And even then, even when I know them backwards and forwards, I am
not allergic to growth or another way. But trust me, I need to see it in ways you
may not be familiar with, and that my friend, is why you will never see or hear of
me being, A Back Seat Driver in any car that me or Blair did not charter to take
me where I know I need to be.
Now a question I was recently asked by a viewer was, "ADGere, whats your
take on men that are on the DL". Well okay then, was my first response, and
had to really think about this one before answering it. Well like I will say to you
like I did to them, "I don’t know". I mean think about it; I am from The San
Francisco Bay Area. I mean come on, since I was a child, I seen more shit than
a toilet as far as freedom of expression, alternative lifestyles and more. That
very fabric on the cloth I have prospered from, is the freedom to be who you
are, and never allow anyone to tell you who you can become. I mean people in
my family that I adore, love and would give my left nut for, are gay, bi-sexual, tri-
sexual (will try anything) and more. Who am I to judge, and just like the swine
flu compared to AIDS, I think it is, what it is. And to go deeper on this cosmetic
topic, I met this woman once, that was if nothing else, honest, torn and driven
to make me stand idle in my journey to be all I was hoping to become. Maybe it
was my test, my lesson on maturity or whatever. But whatever it was, it
definitely got my attention when I wasn’t paying attention to my own selfish
needs to freely give away what I was taught to hold on to. First off, she was
attracted to me, sexy, in my age range and comes to find out after I tapped that
ass a few times, was, married. She had been married for many years, and the
relationship I guess was based on, convenience or comfort, or she was
straight up lying to me like the stranger I found out that I was to her wants, not
needs. Now if it was a lie or not, is not my point here. What part of my point is,
who did she think I was, one, who does she think she is, two, and why out of
the millions of people in this world, did she think that with her invitation for a
few romps in the sack every now and then, is what I inspire to be in a
relationship that is destined to be, what it is, and nothing but a moment leading
to another transparent moment. Out of the millions of people in this world, why
would I want to be in a situation where the final results, are based on failures,
unless that s where I wish to go? It’s a trip, and yeah, I have been that dude
before, enjoyed it, didn’t like it, loved the freedom but in the end, was nothing
but a back seat driver in my own vehicle. Hell even when I thought I was the
man in those moments, I quickly learned, that I wasn’t being a man at all, and
doing all I never knew, I didn’t want or wish to do or be known as. So yeah, in
many ways I thank her for using me. I thank her for making me degrade myself
and forcing me to look into a mirror that was cracked when I looked at it with
my eyes closed, and now sit back and wonder, does it take something like that,
to make me become like I am now, or was this a fluke and me understanding
the things I never understood?
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