A Fantasy Fly On The Wall Page 1
By Anthony Douglas Gere
As I woke up this morning in a clear fog, I felt as though I have been sleeping for some
30 odd years. I didn't simply wake up from a sound sleep, dramatic dream or
numerous nightmares, I came alive within my internal self for some apparent reason.
Maybe it is the freedom, being away from the pressures, my surroundings or simply just
time, but this day has been documented as a moment I will never forget. I will proudly
and humbly admit to you and the world that you came to my mind in this rise from
below, which is why I am both writing and sending it to you, with all due respect. My
thoughts and images were not set on sex or seduction, but in a mind frame that
featured sensuality and stimulation. There was nothing passionate, but passion fueled
the force that found this feeling of fidelity inside my faithful and febile mind. There was
nothing personally romanctic attached to these thoughts, but romance, the romance of
life danced gracefully to the beat of beautiful sounds and rhythms around the moment
created and already in place. Now was it a sign or my calling to the throne I once seen
as utopia, I don't think so, but there was a place for me to sit and rest my tired legs
that throbbed like my swollen worn feet, that has traveled the world many times over in
search for the unknown. Maybe I was unwilling to submit to this force before, or that I
was not in a position to understand it, but I'm finding that my many realms and levels of
understanding things are tempting me to come out of character and develop something
of more substance to be who I really am, not who I want to be. The temptation to better
a great situation is not a challenge, but an effort in boredom which manufacters defeat
in a justifiable way is what seems obvious and needed. I'm in a place that many
selfishly keep to themselves, and also a place many don't know is even possible. All I
can think about is giving and providing, not accepting or taking. The music in the
background is more in the forefront. The colors seem more brighter and my focus
more defined. Its like I'm not standing in lust, but falling in love. In love with life and
living it for the first time.
I feel somewhat cheated and then blessed to have discovered this state of being. I am
still trying to discover or uncover the reasons I get one line answers when I pour out my
heart in multi page theories or excerpts of my book, and long for the unknown answers
in droves unconditionally from strangers wanting something more, and friends
needing something less. To simply feel this type of emotion that I can not describe is
both wonderful and frightenning. I'm propelled to define it, but not educated enough to
understand what form of expression or diction to use in doing so. The labels,
stereotypes, titles and placements, have given me a place in the box, and since I live
outside of it, am struggling to decide which place is home, and which is merely
a house. But I want to share this feeling. Share it like a wino does his beverage of
choice, and force it unconditionally to those that deny this state of being. I want to take
you, and selfishly share you with others, so they can understand what I have all to
myself. It feels so good that it hurts deeper than the sky above. My imagination is
both limited and limitless, because what I want to do is everything, but to who purely
isolated down to one. I want to be the fly on the wall, watching your every thought, so
that each fantasy you have, can become a reality. To have you realize your standards
have changed, and the only constant is the reason it is changing, me. To not just
look at me or view me, but see me as a reflection of you. For you are my fantasy, and
this letter the fly on the wall, watching every move I make within these words. How
can I explain this. How can you understand this when I can't define what I feeling?
Its like a two sided sword, and it points straight to you, my fantasy woman.
Now multiplying such a force, brings a better understanding to what little amount I
have previously represented. For what I have concluded in my awakening, and this
euphoric feeling of living, not just being alive, is I come from the same place many
others do, and its all about timing not just the time. My time that's is so valuable, has
been measured with numbers, but the numerals that do go on forever, is not my
destiny, just fate and fact. But you came to mind. I thought of you, our talks, why we
spoke, what about and how it makes and made me feel before, during and in the
aftermath. Are you the one for me, who knows. I have a problem picking out which suit
I'm going to wear each day, so who am I to say who is what, and my way is right or
wrong. But you came to mind. Not just parts of you, but an image in what I hope
you are and are to be as a whole. I thought about you on my arm in public. In my arms
in bed, and feel I am strong enough to carry you.
By Anthony Douglas Gere
As I woke up this morning in a clear fog, I felt as though I have been sleeping for some
30 odd years. I didn't simply wake up from a sound sleep, dramatic dream or
numerous nightmares, I came alive within my internal self for some apparent reason.
Maybe it is the freedom, being away from the pressures, my surroundings or simply just
time, but this day has been documented as a moment I will never forget. I will proudly
and humbly admit to you and the world that you came to my mind in this rise from
below, which is why I am both writing and sending it to you, with all due respect. My
thoughts and images were not set on sex or seduction, but in a mind frame that
featured sensuality and stimulation. There was nothing passionate, but passion fueled
the force that found this feeling of fidelity inside my faithful and febile mind. There was
nothing personally romanctic attached to these thoughts, but romance, the romance of
life danced gracefully to the beat of beautiful sounds and rhythms around the moment
created and already in place. Now was it a sign or my calling to the throne I once seen
as utopia, I don't think so, but there was a place for me to sit and rest my tired legs
that throbbed like my swollen worn feet, that has traveled the world many times over in
search for the unknown. Maybe I was unwilling to submit to this force before, or that I
was not in a position to understand it, but I'm finding that my many realms and levels of
understanding things are tempting me to come out of character and develop something
of more substance to be who I really am, not who I want to be. The temptation to better
a great situation is not a challenge, but an effort in boredom which manufacters defeat
in a justifiable way is what seems obvious and needed. I'm in a place that many
selfishly keep to themselves, and also a place many don't know is even possible. All I
can think about is giving and providing, not accepting or taking. The music in the
background is more in the forefront. The colors seem more brighter and my focus
more defined. Its like I'm not standing in lust, but falling in love. In love with life and
living it for the first time.
I feel somewhat cheated and then blessed to have discovered this state of being. I am
still trying to discover or uncover the reasons I get one line answers when I pour out my
heart in multi page theories or excerpts of my book, and long for the unknown answers
in droves unconditionally from strangers wanting something more, and friends
needing something less. To simply feel this type of emotion that I can not describe is
both wonderful and frightenning. I'm propelled to define it, but not educated enough to
understand what form of expression or diction to use in doing so. The labels,
stereotypes, titles and placements, have given me a place in the box, and since I live
outside of it, am struggling to decide which place is home, and which is merely
a house. But I want to share this feeling. Share it like a wino does his beverage of
choice, and force it unconditionally to those that deny this state of being. I want to take
you, and selfishly share you with others, so they can understand what I have all to
myself. It feels so good that it hurts deeper than the sky above. My imagination is
both limited and limitless, because what I want to do is everything, but to who purely
isolated down to one. I want to be the fly on the wall, watching your every thought, so
that each fantasy you have, can become a reality. To have you realize your standards
have changed, and the only constant is the reason it is changing, me. To not just
look at me or view me, but see me as a reflection of you. For you are my fantasy, and
this letter the fly on the wall, watching every move I make within these words. How
can I explain this. How can you understand this when I can't define what I feeling?
Its like a two sided sword, and it points straight to you, my fantasy woman.
Now multiplying such a force, brings a better understanding to what little amount I
have previously represented. For what I have concluded in my awakening, and this
euphoric feeling of living, not just being alive, is I come from the same place many
others do, and its all about timing not just the time. My time that's is so valuable, has
been measured with numbers, but the numerals that do go on forever, is not my
destiny, just fate and fact. But you came to mind. I thought of you, our talks, why we
spoke, what about and how it makes and made me feel before, during and in the
aftermath. Are you the one for me, who knows. I have a problem picking out which suit
I'm going to wear each day, so who am I to say who is what, and my way is right or
wrong. But you came to mind. Not just parts of you, but an image in what I hope
you are and are to be as a whole. I thought about you on my arm in public. In my arms
in bed, and feel I am strong enough to carry you.