Darkness by Candle Light; Part Two
By ADGere
I would first like to start part two of this theory by explaining where it came from,
where I hope you are at within it from the start and a deeper invitation into my party of
text as we approach the end. If you just came here automatically and haven’t read
part one yet, I think you will better feel the contents or directional path I am traveling
on if you do retreat back to the foundation. But if you don’t want to read part one or do
like I do and read things from back to front sometimes, that’s cool to, so keep
reading and enjoy. Now to reflect on what or which brick I first laid down in this theory
in its prequel as I now wipe my tears, in and exhale a bit and regain what I have
obtained, I need to first acknowledge that I am back from my trip, have been very very
sick and now mourning the passing of my best friends father. So out of respect,
please pause for a moment before reading any further, and say a prayer for him and
his family for this devastating lost. Thank you for that, and now as I mentally reflect
selfishly and absorb my experiences through the three or so decades, years,
months, days, hours, minutes, seconds and moments, I am trying to recall the
thousands of theories I have written to gain a better perspective on the ones I have
yet to write. In reflecting, I am seeing that before I fully realized what I now know, I
was actually where I am at right now, but didn’t know I was here until now. I am also
wondering why I didn’t know what I know now and wonder where I will be later on or
within the next moment as I have graduated through life’s experiences and being
here not there any more. You see in some of my earlier work, it was raw, more raw,
more desperate in a way to get out this thing I had inside of me and just, if not even
more confusing as my most recent. It was and still is sort of animalistic in a way in
how I display my thoughts, like a man and woman in love wanting to describe the
feeling to a friend that doesn’t know their meaning of love, and wanting them to
understand it like they are feeling it. But on the flip side and giving those unaware
the benefit of the doubt, I think doubting or being reluctant is natural in many ways. I
mean having any type of relationship with fear is second nature. A sort of defense
mechanism that comes with a first rate ranking, as caution is in most times, not of
the person you are now involved with, but more from the mistakes or scars you
suffered in the ones before the present. I don’t think that is bad or unhealthy,
because the hurdle that slows us down just enough to think about what we are doing
or about to do when we reach it, is also the one that propels us when we need a
boost to get over that very same thing. I think what has always got me was this;
when you are young, your mentors, teachers, family and the world preaches to you
that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Now, once you reach it,
achieve what you set out to conquer and all, it seems as though it may not be true or
what you thought it was to be. I say that because truth as in beauty, is in the eye of
the beholder, and seeing how we all blink or are blinded by things from time to time,
we may miss something when we think we are viewing it and not know it. But it truly
seems as though, those very same people or group you have surrounded yourself
with, start looking at you differently and questioning your new position once you reach
a certain level. It seems as though they now think you are better than they are, or that
you have lost touch with reality and placed your dreams above their reality. What I
feel happens is that on your journey, on your way to this place you have worked to get
to, with the encouragement and help from others, you have seen things, learn more
things and experienced events that has broadens your horizons. Its not that you look
at where you were differently, but it somehow doesn’t seem like the same place
anymore, based on your new found vision. I don’t and truly feel that a person
reaching a goal is not better than where they were before they got there, though I feel
on the way up to this next level, they’ve seen mirror images of themselves joining
them in the climb as those that also look like them, sliding down the same ladder.
This is where the fear comes in, to not slide, and there comes the perception on
where you were and wish not to visit again. I know when I became successful in
business, I felt guilty in a way. I felt as though why did I make it, and those around
me didn’t? I did go on an escapade of craziness, arrogance and self absorption,
and doing things out of character that presented me in a light I didn’t want to be
shown in. But my grandmother quickly turned off that light switch when she was
alive, and replaced that bulb with a flood light to show me that I am only as dark or
bright as my shadow.
By ADGere
I would first like to start part two of this theory by explaining where it came from,
where I hope you are at within it from the start and a deeper invitation into my party of
text as we approach the end. If you just came here automatically and haven’t read
part one yet, I think you will better feel the contents or directional path I am traveling
on if you do retreat back to the foundation. But if you don’t want to read part one or do
like I do and read things from back to front sometimes, that’s cool to, so keep
reading and enjoy. Now to reflect on what or which brick I first laid down in this theory
in its prequel as I now wipe my tears, in and exhale a bit and regain what I have
obtained, I need to first acknowledge that I am back from my trip, have been very very
sick and now mourning the passing of my best friends father. So out of respect,
please pause for a moment before reading any further, and say a prayer for him and
his family for this devastating lost. Thank you for that, and now as I mentally reflect
selfishly and absorb my experiences through the three or so decades, years,
months, days, hours, minutes, seconds and moments, I am trying to recall the
thousands of theories I have written to gain a better perspective on the ones I have
yet to write. In reflecting, I am seeing that before I fully realized what I now know, I
was actually where I am at right now, but didn’t know I was here until now. I am also
wondering why I didn’t know what I know now and wonder where I will be later on or
within the next moment as I have graduated through life’s experiences and being
here not there any more. You see in some of my earlier work, it was raw, more raw,
more desperate in a way to get out this thing I had inside of me and just, if not even
more confusing as my most recent. It was and still is sort of animalistic in a way in
how I display my thoughts, like a man and woman in love wanting to describe the
feeling to a friend that doesn’t know their meaning of love, and wanting them to
understand it like they are feeling it. But on the flip side and giving those unaware
the benefit of the doubt, I think doubting or being reluctant is natural in many ways. I
mean having any type of relationship with fear is second nature. A sort of defense
mechanism that comes with a first rate ranking, as caution is in most times, not of
the person you are now involved with, but more from the mistakes or scars you
suffered in the ones before the present. I don’t think that is bad or unhealthy,
because the hurdle that slows us down just enough to think about what we are doing
or about to do when we reach it, is also the one that propels us when we need a
boost to get over that very same thing. I think what has always got me was this;
when you are young, your mentors, teachers, family and the world preaches to you
that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Now, once you reach it,
achieve what you set out to conquer and all, it seems as though it may not be true or
what you thought it was to be. I say that because truth as in beauty, is in the eye of
the beholder, and seeing how we all blink or are blinded by things from time to time,
we may miss something when we think we are viewing it and not know it. But it truly
seems as though, those very same people or group you have surrounded yourself
with, start looking at you differently and questioning your new position once you reach
a certain level. It seems as though they now think you are better than they are, or that
you have lost touch with reality and placed your dreams above their reality. What I
feel happens is that on your journey, on your way to this place you have worked to get
to, with the encouragement and help from others, you have seen things, learn more
things and experienced events that has broadens your horizons. Its not that you look
at where you were differently, but it somehow doesn’t seem like the same place
anymore, based on your new found vision. I don’t and truly feel that a person
reaching a goal is not better than where they were before they got there, though I feel
on the way up to this next level, they’ve seen mirror images of themselves joining
them in the climb as those that also look like them, sliding down the same ladder.
This is where the fear comes in, to not slide, and there comes the perception on
where you were and wish not to visit again. I know when I became successful in
business, I felt guilty in a way. I felt as though why did I make it, and those around
me didn’t? I did go on an escapade of craziness, arrogance and self absorption,
and doing things out of character that presented me in a light I didn’t want to be
shown in. But my grandmother quickly turned off that light switch when she was
alive, and replaced that bulb with a flood light to show me that I am only as dark or
bright as my shadow.
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