F-You !!!
By Anthony Douglas Gere
Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and as yesterday seems like it was many
moons ago, tomorrow seems so far away as I am trying to live in the present that
seems like forever. What’s up ya’ll, and once again, I’m mentally discharging some
thoughts that I feel are boiling inside of me. I’m feeling emotional, kind of sensitive
in a harsh way, and ready as ever for change as I am surviving in the life I have
always wanted to live. You know change is scary; it’s almost like when things go as
planned, you are waiting for the other shoe to drop as you stand on the other foot
trying to regain your balance or preparing for a new game plan that is basically a
sabotaging ploy to get you where you are already at. I think when a person reaches
this point, they truly need something outside of themselves to bring them back to
where they’re at, to remind them where they are going, which can be, nowhere fast if
you slow down and think about it. For me that stabilizing force was and still is, my
grandmother. Regardless on what many think they know and feel is best for me, my
grandmother was that force that made me feel like I could do no wrong and kept me
on the right path whenever I was four-whelin’. Even when things were at their worse
for her and at there best for me, she somehow came up with things that steered me
in a direction I never knew was there. You see I have a great life, lived a better one
and endured more shit than a toilet in my thirty some odd years. But sometimes it
seems like I am basically trying to flush more than can fit, as I digest the meals the
world constantly feeds to me in abundance. So as I confess my events to you
today, I ask you as I also challenge you to recall and remember the one force in
your life that has left you physically, and kept you mentally there. I mean
something you used and manipulated as a crutch, and held you up when you
were leaning, upright or flat on your back wondering how you got there. Now to
give this theory some creditability, know that many I have met, tell me about
experiences they have went through, and completely became another person
when they tell and talk about the story or events that basically woke them up
while sleepwalking through life in broad daylight. I’ve talked to people that went
through the Hurricane Katrina Disaster, 9/11 survivors, a death of a friend or
family member, and even worse, the experience of being a dead person
walking in the prison of their own minds in the land of the free. It is something
to look into the mirror and not know the person that is looking back at you. I
mean that I have had so many dreams, that at one point, I didn’t even know
where reality started and the nightmares ended. Seeing things and applying
them, are two different things completely. I mean yeah, I personally seen my
parents work their ass off to provide for me and my sister, and to this day, they
have never seen the room I have seen, that is totally down a street they never
knew existed. How can you explain to someone a feeling, when the definition
of the feeling felt, can not be defined or relayed by someone that can’t believe
it’s even there in the first place? Hell, you can’t even expect someone to
understand the things you say or do, when them themselves, have never
walked in the footprints or seen the sand on the beach your hopes are
washed up on. Maybe that’s why I am such a movie buff. Maybe that’s why I
read books like a maniac. Maybe that is why I write these dam theories, to
supply my gas tank with outside fuel to keep going down this unknown road in
hope of an answer. Who knows, maybe its all a dream, and I can’t wake up,
even if I do hear my self snoring.
So back to what ever in the hell I was talking or writing about, and falling back
into this upright position in this theory. Life, as we know it, is a miraculous thing. I
mean the hardest thing in the world for all of us to do, is wake up. Do you realize
that waking up; is the only thing we as humans in terms of our own lives, can not
control? I mean thousands upon thousands of people go to bed at night and
don’t wake up, and out of those that do perish, how many do you think that did
lay their heads down thought or knew, it was for the last time?
By Anthony Douglas Gere
Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and as yesterday seems like it was many
moons ago, tomorrow seems so far away as I am trying to live in the present that
seems like forever. What’s up ya’ll, and once again, I’m mentally discharging some
thoughts that I feel are boiling inside of me. I’m feeling emotional, kind of sensitive
in a harsh way, and ready as ever for change as I am surviving in the life I have
always wanted to live. You know change is scary; it’s almost like when things go as
planned, you are waiting for the other shoe to drop as you stand on the other foot
trying to regain your balance or preparing for a new game plan that is basically a
sabotaging ploy to get you where you are already at. I think when a person reaches
this point, they truly need something outside of themselves to bring them back to
where they’re at, to remind them where they are going, which can be, nowhere fast if
you slow down and think about it. For me that stabilizing force was and still is, my
grandmother. Regardless on what many think they know and feel is best for me, my
grandmother was that force that made me feel like I could do no wrong and kept me
on the right path whenever I was four-whelin’. Even when things were at their worse
for her and at there best for me, she somehow came up with things that steered me
in a direction I never knew was there. You see I have a great life, lived a better one
and endured more shit than a toilet in my thirty some odd years. But sometimes it
seems like I am basically trying to flush more than can fit, as I digest the meals the
world constantly feeds to me in abundance. So as I confess my events to you
today, I ask you as I also challenge you to recall and remember the one force in
your life that has left you physically, and kept you mentally there. I mean
something you used and manipulated as a crutch, and held you up when you
were leaning, upright or flat on your back wondering how you got there. Now to
give this theory some creditability, know that many I have met, tell me about
experiences they have went through, and completely became another person
when they tell and talk about the story or events that basically woke them up
while sleepwalking through life in broad daylight. I’ve talked to people that went
through the Hurricane Katrina Disaster, 9/11 survivors, a death of a friend or
family member, and even worse, the experience of being a dead person
walking in the prison of their own minds in the land of the free. It is something
to look into the mirror and not know the person that is looking back at you. I
mean that I have had so many dreams, that at one point, I didn’t even know
where reality started and the nightmares ended. Seeing things and applying
them, are two different things completely. I mean yeah, I personally seen my
parents work their ass off to provide for me and my sister, and to this day, they
have never seen the room I have seen, that is totally down a street they never
knew existed. How can you explain to someone a feeling, when the definition
of the feeling felt, can not be defined or relayed by someone that can’t believe
it’s even there in the first place? Hell, you can’t even expect someone to
understand the things you say or do, when them themselves, have never
walked in the footprints or seen the sand on the beach your hopes are
washed up on. Maybe that’s why I am such a movie buff. Maybe that’s why I
read books like a maniac. Maybe that is why I write these dam theories, to
supply my gas tank with outside fuel to keep going down this unknown road in
hope of an answer. Who knows, maybe its all a dream, and I can’t wake up,
even if I do hear my self snoring.
So back to what ever in the hell I was talking or writing about, and falling back
into this upright position in this theory. Life, as we know it, is a miraculous thing. I
mean the hardest thing in the world for all of us to do, is wake up. Do you realize
that waking up; is the only thing we as humans in terms of our own lives, can not
control? I mean thousands upon thousands of people go to bed at night and
don’t wake up, and out of those that do perish, how many do you think that did
lay their heads down thought or knew, it was for the last time?
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