My Report Card Page 2
By Anthony Douglas Gere
I didn't really want whatever it was, just the satisfaction of winning or conquering myself. Its a
viscous circle that unless you break it, can breed and manifest others into the illusion that
this is it, or cool. Its the motto that states that he with the most toys, owns the toy store, but
what they don't tell you is that no one is buying, because you are a dime a dozen. Its times
like this that one must focus to lose sight. Its moments like these that require so much love
because you hate what you have become. Its times like this when you need a report card, to
grade yourself and who you have become to be better than what you became. Now some
may call this growth maturity, some wisdom, and some have no clue of the transformation
because they themselves are blinded by the darkness.
So here you are, crowded in the confines of ones self, trying to weed out all that is bad to
condense what is good. You wanna run away, but you come with where ever you go, and your
reflection looms larger than your shadow which is a dark gloomy silhouette. That you are
desperately trying to shine a light on. You question your place, your motives, ideas and
decisions, to only come up with another cycle that spins wild in perpetual motion. This is
the danger zone, a vulnerable place that attracts all predators. A time that brings out all of
your sensitive issues to only expose what was once hidden, but now covers your bare
sleeve. You are not only bad for yourself, your influence is bad for others and those that
travel a righteous path. You have become the statistic you swore you would never become,
and you justify it. You are lower than low. You are so low, you are basement to a
basement. You try to dig yourself out of a hole, but the tools you own are tainted with
your fatal plague. But then the impossible happens, you hit rock bottom and realize the
only place now is to go up. You start noticing the people you stepped on, destroyed and
used to become this monster. They are skeptical of your new revelation, and show the
scars that you help place upon them. This is also a danger point because now you are
more vulnerable because you don't know their intentions and you're trying to do the
right thing. What ever that is. You are now both student and teacher, grading yourself
on a report card.
So now in closing, let me take you full circle and pump my brakes a little bit. I could
take you down each road, on each floor and describe in detail how and when I got
back, but it would take a deeper understanding of me and definitely yourself. You see
if I had to grade myself, I would give myself a B minus. The reason is I have beaten a
lot of odds, and accomplished more things than the average. Now on the flip side,
maybe I am the example of a spoiled rich kid gone bad, and needed to fall to find my
true calling in and on this world. Being an accomplished CEO is great and the perks
are kick ass, but its not for me. Now don't get me wrong, I want to security, but the
money part is not my passion. So with a little help, okay, a lot of help from God, he
guided me towards a better place. He used the most respected person to deliver
this message, a person he knew I would listen to and follow out her orders to a
T. He used my grandmother. A 94 year old woman that stood around 4 foot 11
inches and had built a family and raised a better family that has seen some shit.
Out of 17 grandchildren, you guessed it, I was the favorite. The one she held close,
told all of the secrets and steered to success. She told me to humble myself.
Give in to the things that I so desperately pushed away. Experience the things I
refused to witness to gain a better understanding and appreciation for who I am
and how important others are also. She told me to shed my armor made of
government paper and build a reputation, not buy one. The thing is, it could never
be totally real because I have the option of returning, but still live it and try to find the
things I was missing. I did it and now still doing it. It is late 2003 and I am doing it.
Working and allowing others to judge me the way I used to judge them and
I hate it and love it. I will continue this in another theory of thought later because
right now I need to make some coffee. But know my place within myself is being
nourished, and my grade now is improving, daily, on my report card -
By Anthony Douglas Gere
I didn't really want whatever it was, just the satisfaction of winning or conquering myself. Its a
viscous circle that unless you break it, can breed and manifest others into the illusion that
this is it, or cool. Its the motto that states that he with the most toys, owns the toy store, but
what they don't tell you is that no one is buying, because you are a dime a dozen. Its times
like this that one must focus to lose sight. Its moments like these that require so much love
because you hate what you have become. Its times like this when you need a report card, to
grade yourself and who you have become to be better than what you became. Now some
may call this growth maturity, some wisdom, and some have no clue of the transformation
because they themselves are blinded by the darkness.
So here you are, crowded in the confines of ones self, trying to weed out all that is bad to
condense what is good. You wanna run away, but you come with where ever you go, and your
reflection looms larger than your shadow which is a dark gloomy silhouette. That you are
desperately trying to shine a light on. You question your place, your motives, ideas and
decisions, to only come up with another cycle that spins wild in perpetual motion. This is
the danger zone, a vulnerable place that attracts all predators. A time that brings out all of
your sensitive issues to only expose what was once hidden, but now covers your bare
sleeve. You are not only bad for yourself, your influence is bad for others and those that
travel a righteous path. You have become the statistic you swore you would never become,
and you justify it. You are lower than low. You are so low, you are basement to a
basement. You try to dig yourself out of a hole, but the tools you own are tainted with
your fatal plague. But then the impossible happens, you hit rock bottom and realize the
only place now is to go up. You start noticing the people you stepped on, destroyed and
used to become this monster. They are skeptical of your new revelation, and show the
scars that you help place upon them. This is also a danger point because now you are
more vulnerable because you don't know their intentions and you're trying to do the
right thing. What ever that is. You are now both student and teacher, grading yourself
on a report card.
So now in closing, let me take you full circle and pump my brakes a little bit. I could
take you down each road, on each floor and describe in detail how and when I got
back, but it would take a deeper understanding of me and definitely yourself. You see
if I had to grade myself, I would give myself a B minus. The reason is I have beaten a
lot of odds, and accomplished more things than the average. Now on the flip side,
maybe I am the example of a spoiled rich kid gone bad, and needed to fall to find my
true calling in and on this world. Being an accomplished CEO is great and the perks
are kick ass, but its not for me. Now don't get me wrong, I want to security, but the
money part is not my passion. So with a little help, okay, a lot of help from God, he
guided me towards a better place. He used the most respected person to deliver
this message, a person he knew I would listen to and follow out her orders to a
T. He used my grandmother. A 94 year old woman that stood around 4 foot 11
inches and had built a family and raised a better family that has seen some shit.
Out of 17 grandchildren, you guessed it, I was the favorite. The one she held close,
told all of the secrets and steered to success. She told me to humble myself.
Give in to the things that I so desperately pushed away. Experience the things I
refused to witness to gain a better understanding and appreciation for who I am
and how important others are also. She told me to shed my armor made of
government paper and build a reputation, not buy one. The thing is, it could never
be totally real because I have the option of returning, but still live it and try to find the
things I was missing. I did it and now still doing it. It is late 2003 and I am doing it.
Working and allowing others to judge me the way I used to judge them and
I hate it and love it. I will continue this in another theory of thought later because
right now I need to make some coffee. But know my place within myself is being
nourished, and my grade now is improving, daily, on my report card -