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Roman In Ze’ Bottle
By Anthony Douglas Gere

Last night I had a hard time sleeping. I was tossing and turning and trying to
get comfortable, but nothing seemed to work. I did have a slight inclination of
what the problem could be, and even tried to deny that I had some sort of a
disorder or lack of control over the situation causing me to lose my balance.
So when I woke up or should I say, rolled over out of bed the next morning, I
made it a point to go shopping and look for this product called, “Roman In
Ze’ Bottle”.  I made a list of markets in my area, and the first store I went to
didn’t have it. I asked everyone who worked there had they seen it, heard of it
or were they simply sold out of this drug I had become addicted to. I really
didn’t know how to describe this product but knew within myself what kind of
effect it had on me. So after hearing no, I left and ventured out to complete
my mission for the day. Upon arriving at the next market, I found a courtesy
clerk in the check out stand and described this miracle drug to him, he
looked at me with a smirk and then frown and said he had never heard of
the stuff. I quickly left and went to another supermarket down the street
which is their competitor in fine foods and services, to one; find the
product and two; spite the share holders who hired this inconsiderate
asshole, and asked the same question to these fine folks. They
directed me to the pharmaceutical department to ask their resident
guru who apparently knew everything about anything dealing with herbs
and medicine, if he had a clue about what I needed and yearned for to
calm my nerves of steel. After the gentleman in the pharmacy turned his
back on me and hinted a remark that sounded like ,” I wondered how
much clorox this guy left in the bottle and or sniffed”, I turned my front
on him and reached desperation status out of frustration,
embarrassment and a lack of sleep.

At this point, I’m spinning out of control and only had one other choice,
to break down like a substance abuse patient in denial and start a
asking customers in the store, because hey, they looked just as
confused as me and who knows, they might be looking for this same
product themselves, I mean, how much lettuce can you eat?. So now
justifying everything under the sun, I first approached this perky young
redhead that was wearing a short little snow white tank top, that to me
said and looked like she had obviously just left the freezer section if you
get my point and know what I mean. I asked her if she had tried or heard
of this stuff I had asked numerous people before her. She straightened
her back up, threw her head around, adjusted the head light cover she
was using for a shirt, rolled her eyes in a seductive way and told me
to call this smeared phone number that was written on
the back of a badly used match book cover.
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