Something Else, Like an UDO Page 2
By Anthony Douglas Gere
What, explain how I would have Sarah Mc Laughlin or Sade on the stereo low
enough to annoy the hell outta me, or no, even better, having Mary J, not the
new May J. but the old Mary J. Bilge blaring in the background, and would be
feeding me encouragement when I didn’t even want it with the pan in her voice,
coating my every scar? What, talk about everything I did right and why they
didn’t understand now, when they should have then. What, try to explain
something to someone that is not in that situation, what you are going through
now, when they don’t want to remember the time they went through it
themselves? What, how on earth can I even do justice the topic of heartbreak,
when you know you are settling, but you can’t seem to let go, even though you
know you should and you are trying to make sense of it. I don’t think I can come
anywhere close to conversing with anyone going through that type of shit when
they are going through it and I am not, and honestly, feel good about myself in
telling them what I think they should do. I mean hell, I am far from trying to go
back there. That shit hurts, and either I am in deep denial and strictly okay with
it, or have found something worth dying for, which is why life to me right now, is
worth living for.
So, now that we briefly went there on that topic, lets go down another street
that I am sure, many of you have been on. Maybe some of you rented a spot on
this block, took up residence or maybe own the property, but we all have gone
down this street for one reason or another. I am talking about the road to
recovery, and how if you really think about it, it is your own defense system in
offensively going for the things we now know are possible and within our
grasp. It can be called experience, knowledge or many things, but what it is, is
your advice on how to get over things that got under us and lifted us to places
we never thought were possible, like a UDO. Now me, I get quiet when I am
hurt. I won’t say I hide it well, but I become really reserved, and almost a little,
too quiet. I am circulating thoughts and emotions inside of myself, and not
really looking for a place to toss the blame, but a place where I know, it won’t
come back and haunt me or someone, that picks it up later on in life. I get like
that black kid in The Charlie Brown shows. You know, that kid that you see but
don’t see, and if you never knew his name, it is Franklin. But to know that, you
must have some identity with him and or his character, and for those that are
with me on this one, you know what I mean. But I know when I was hurt and
what seemed like, the final days of my life, I have been on both ends of the
situation. Where the cliché’, "To get over someone, get under someone else",
was tried by me, many of times. But how also, staying alone and feeling the
pain, got me through the situation as well. I think the common thing on both
choices, is the fact that you will, get pass or past it, it only takes time. And I don’
t mean some specific time frame or table where you wake up one day and say,
"Hey, what do you know, I’m over that S.O.B." I’m talking about the time it takes
for you to forgive yourself and others, and learn from that experience and move
on genuinely with appreciation for surviving, another tragic event. It could be a
day, month, or never in your mind. But it will come, and when you do find that
peace, you can see other pieces of your life, falling in place. I think that’s the
advice I would honestly give, because each situation is different, but the
common denominator I think in each thing I have been through and in, that was
it. Its funny how when this does happen, your heart doesn’t really hurt, but
somehow, it seems to pump cloudiness throughout your veins, and all you
seem to see, is what is being felt inside of you? I don’t know, maybe I am
trippin’ or don’t get it all, but I do know that after coming out of that kind of
situation, I was putting up walls like a general contractor in a new housing
development with a wife that has a shopping fetish at St. Johns. Can’t really
say they were stucco or lead, but I do remember, I put those motherfuckers up
without a permit or license, quick, fast and in a fothermuckin’ hurry!
By Anthony Douglas Gere
What, explain how I would have Sarah Mc Laughlin or Sade on the stereo low
enough to annoy the hell outta me, or no, even better, having Mary J, not the
new May J. but the old Mary J. Bilge blaring in the background, and would be
feeding me encouragement when I didn’t even want it with the pan in her voice,
coating my every scar? What, talk about everything I did right and why they
didn’t understand now, when they should have then. What, try to explain
something to someone that is not in that situation, what you are going through
now, when they don’t want to remember the time they went through it
themselves? What, how on earth can I even do justice the topic of heartbreak,
when you know you are settling, but you can’t seem to let go, even though you
know you should and you are trying to make sense of it. I don’t think I can come
anywhere close to conversing with anyone going through that type of shit when
they are going through it and I am not, and honestly, feel good about myself in
telling them what I think they should do. I mean hell, I am far from trying to go
back there. That shit hurts, and either I am in deep denial and strictly okay with
it, or have found something worth dying for, which is why life to me right now, is
worth living for.
So, now that we briefly went there on that topic, lets go down another street
that I am sure, many of you have been on. Maybe some of you rented a spot on
this block, took up residence or maybe own the property, but we all have gone
down this street for one reason or another. I am talking about the road to
recovery, and how if you really think about it, it is your own defense system in
offensively going for the things we now know are possible and within our
grasp. It can be called experience, knowledge or many things, but what it is, is
your advice on how to get over things that got under us and lifted us to places
we never thought were possible, like a UDO. Now me, I get quiet when I am
hurt. I won’t say I hide it well, but I become really reserved, and almost a little,
too quiet. I am circulating thoughts and emotions inside of myself, and not
really looking for a place to toss the blame, but a place where I know, it won’t
come back and haunt me or someone, that picks it up later on in life. I get like
that black kid in The Charlie Brown shows. You know, that kid that you see but
don’t see, and if you never knew his name, it is Franklin. But to know that, you
must have some identity with him and or his character, and for those that are
with me on this one, you know what I mean. But I know when I was hurt and
what seemed like, the final days of my life, I have been on both ends of the
situation. Where the cliché’, "To get over someone, get under someone else",
was tried by me, many of times. But how also, staying alone and feeling the
pain, got me through the situation as well. I think the common thing on both
choices, is the fact that you will, get pass or past it, it only takes time. And I don’
t mean some specific time frame or table where you wake up one day and say,
"Hey, what do you know, I’m over that S.O.B." I’m talking about the time it takes
for you to forgive yourself and others, and learn from that experience and move
on genuinely with appreciation for surviving, another tragic event. It could be a
day, month, or never in your mind. But it will come, and when you do find that
peace, you can see other pieces of your life, falling in place. I think that’s the
advice I would honestly give, because each situation is different, but the
common denominator I think in each thing I have been through and in, that was
it. Its funny how when this does happen, your heart doesn’t really hurt, but
somehow, it seems to pump cloudiness throughout your veins, and all you
seem to see, is what is being felt inside of you? I don’t know, maybe I am
trippin’ or don’t get it all, but I do know that after coming out of that kind of
situation, I was putting up walls like a general contractor in a new housing
development with a wife that has a shopping fetish at St. Johns. Can’t really
say they were stucco or lead, but I do remember, I put those motherfuckers up
without a permit or license, quick, fast and in a fothermuckin’ hurry!
| CLICK ON PAINTING FOR LARGER VIEW |