When I See Red Page 2
By Anthony Douglas Gere
There was something about this man that didn’t see mother and daughter
noticing him from a far that was close to the mothers heart, and whatever that
is or was, I bet it was stimulated by a color, or the image or shade of that color,
that filled her heart he was. I know back in the day when I was ridiculously in
love with this girl I knew wasn’t good for me, how hard it was to be with and
without her. I mean I could not shake her, no matter how many women I tried to
convince myself was better than her. No matter who I surrounded myself with,
where I flew to or more, I couldn’t run from my mind and memory of her, and it
kept bringing me back to where I knew I didn’t wanna be, with her or someone
like her. I mean its not like I would ever think about going back to "her" now
under any circumstances, because I now know, what love is to me. But I
swear, it seemed like I had actually went to this street fair and signed up for
the "Cupid Come Fuck Me Up With Lust that seems like Love Ride", and he shot
me with a arrow that was laced with some dumb-dumb juice from this girls
blood when it was that time of the month. I was head over heels in love with
this female, not woman, and she took me beyond the cleaners in draining my
money, time and energy, she put a brotha on spin cycle for a minute or two and
it’s a miracle I came out, half-way decent and not a woman hater for life, I think
and hope. Just this image I had of this woman I didn’t have in front of me that
she was convincing me she was, had my loyalties all fucked up, and I was
turning her lies into my truths while surviving in this rainbows of isolated
feelings that was based on this color I seen when I looked at her. But one thing
I figured out when I had grown past the emotional and lustful part of the
relationship or desperately just wanting to be apart of one, was that whenever
she knew she had fucked up royally and knew I was at my limit and was going
to break up with her, she would show up where ever I was at, wearing
something sexy and fitting, and that signature, ruby red, orange based red
lipstick, that drives me freakin’ nuts. So for the ladies reading this, yeah, us
men are so dam stupid, I will admit it, and even when we know this train is
coming down the wrong track, we still jump out there, buy a ticket, get ran
over, look at it, know the next one that looks like this one is the same one, and
will do it again without anyone asking us to. So don’t take it personal or hold it
against us when we fall for the old oakie doke, just help us out, but only when
we are true to the lies we tell ourselves. But back to one of my three, I mean
she could have begged to be butt fucked by my father and sucked, gargled and
swallowed my best friend in front of me after persuading me to drug his drink
in my house, wrecked my car, kicked my dogs, drank or poured out my last bit
of Blue Label, put my checking account in the negative and more. One of those
moments where seriously, you could be considered insane beyond the legal
limit, and you would agree with yourself or whomever is listening that it was
the worlds fault, not yours. She had me out there like that, and naw, I was not
trying to come back, even when I said so in a pool of tears. I was gone, and
man, she if nothing else, taught me something, no one else could have taught
me. And I thank her for that. See where I was fucked up at then, was that I was
dealing with an image instead of reality. I was putting too much on it, and not
acknowledging or giving it the respect on what it really was, not what I wanted
it to be. I was making it, or thought I was, making into what I wanted it to be, not
what it was and needed to be. But back then when I wasn’t thinking, or thinking
with just one head, I would see her in this certain shade of lipstick with her
nails and toes done the same way, and man oh man, when I seen her like that, I
was about as good as a soup sandwich served on a wet napkin to a shaking
drug fiend that wasn’t hungry. That’s the truth, and regardless on how crazy
that seems to me or you now, it is the truth. I just have this thing about the color
red, and can honestly tell you, a major reason I joined the Fraternity I did, was
based on the color. So what I learned from all of that, was that even though I
am extremely vulnerable to the color or image I wanna see, I can not allow that
color, to control the things in my life that are uncontrollable to me when I am
not being myself.
By Anthony Douglas Gere
There was something about this man that didn’t see mother and daughter
noticing him from a far that was close to the mothers heart, and whatever that
is or was, I bet it was stimulated by a color, or the image or shade of that color,
that filled her heart he was. I know back in the day when I was ridiculously in
love with this girl I knew wasn’t good for me, how hard it was to be with and
without her. I mean I could not shake her, no matter how many women I tried to
convince myself was better than her. No matter who I surrounded myself with,
where I flew to or more, I couldn’t run from my mind and memory of her, and it
kept bringing me back to where I knew I didn’t wanna be, with her or someone
like her. I mean its not like I would ever think about going back to "her" now
under any circumstances, because I now know, what love is to me. But I
swear, it seemed like I had actually went to this street fair and signed up for
the "Cupid Come Fuck Me Up With Lust that seems like Love Ride", and he shot
me with a arrow that was laced with some dumb-dumb juice from this girls
blood when it was that time of the month. I was head over heels in love with
this female, not woman, and she took me beyond the cleaners in draining my
money, time and energy, she put a brotha on spin cycle for a minute or two and
it’s a miracle I came out, half-way decent and not a woman hater for life, I think
and hope. Just this image I had of this woman I didn’t have in front of me that
she was convincing me she was, had my loyalties all fucked up, and I was
turning her lies into my truths while surviving in this rainbows of isolated
feelings that was based on this color I seen when I looked at her. But one thing
I figured out when I had grown past the emotional and lustful part of the
relationship or desperately just wanting to be apart of one, was that whenever
she knew she had fucked up royally and knew I was at my limit and was going
to break up with her, she would show up where ever I was at, wearing
something sexy and fitting, and that signature, ruby red, orange based red
lipstick, that drives me freakin’ nuts. So for the ladies reading this, yeah, us
men are so dam stupid, I will admit it, and even when we know this train is
coming down the wrong track, we still jump out there, buy a ticket, get ran
over, look at it, know the next one that looks like this one is the same one, and
will do it again without anyone asking us to. So don’t take it personal or hold it
against us when we fall for the old oakie doke, just help us out, but only when
we are true to the lies we tell ourselves. But back to one of my three, I mean
she could have begged to be butt fucked by my father and sucked, gargled and
swallowed my best friend in front of me after persuading me to drug his drink
in my house, wrecked my car, kicked my dogs, drank or poured out my last bit
of Blue Label, put my checking account in the negative and more. One of those
moments where seriously, you could be considered insane beyond the legal
limit, and you would agree with yourself or whomever is listening that it was
the worlds fault, not yours. She had me out there like that, and naw, I was not
trying to come back, even when I said so in a pool of tears. I was gone, and
man, she if nothing else, taught me something, no one else could have taught
me. And I thank her for that. See where I was fucked up at then, was that I was
dealing with an image instead of reality. I was putting too much on it, and not
acknowledging or giving it the respect on what it really was, not what I wanted
it to be. I was making it, or thought I was, making into what I wanted it to be, not
what it was and needed to be. But back then when I wasn’t thinking, or thinking
with just one head, I would see her in this certain shade of lipstick with her
nails and toes done the same way, and man oh man, when I seen her like that, I
was about as good as a soup sandwich served on a wet napkin to a shaking
drug fiend that wasn’t hungry. That’s the truth, and regardless on how crazy
that seems to me or you now, it is the truth. I just have this thing about the color
red, and can honestly tell you, a major reason I joined the Fraternity I did, was
based on the color. So what I learned from all of that, was that even though I
am extremely vulnerable to the color or image I wanna see, I can not allow that
color, to control the things in my life that are uncontrollable to me when I am
not being myself.
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