Numb Enough To Feel It Page 1
By Anthony Douglas Gere
Did you know that besides those I randomly send my writings to, some people get to read my
theories before others even know they exist. You see I'm in the process of completing my
second novel, and my editor wants me to complete at least 75% of it, so that when they do
release my first one, there wouldn't be a long absence in reaping the rewards in at its
maximum capacity if my first one takes off. I think its brilliant, and very savvy on his marketing
part and team. Any way, after I write one of my theories, I have a support group of people that
I somewhat fully trust. You know, a group of people like you are with your friends when you
ask their advise on a situation, what shoes look good or who you like on American Idol. But
what I do is write it, send it and then talk to them afterwards to see if I made any sense in
which ever topic I tackled on that day or moment. I mean seriously, I think I'm so sometimes
out in my own world when I write, that I need these people to remind me that I'm making a
little sense in what I'm trying to say. Maybe its a security blanket to remind me that if I am
fucked up and out there bouncing off Pluto or Mars, then there's not just one of us, but a few
that we at least know about that enjoys the same view as us.
But what I also do is give one to a complete stranger that I just come in contact with which or
whatever way. I mean anybody. If I'm getting coffee, a club, eating at a restaurant or walking
down the street. I give them one of my business cards to email me, and if they do, I hit
them off with a couple of writings to get an outside opinion. Now usually I don't hear from
them any more, or we do start up a unconditional line of communication based on their
views and my thoughts. But usually I never hear from them again, and I think that
they think I'm either a lunatic for writing such shit, or I've touched a nerve, and they can't
face me for whatever selfish reason they have inside themselves. But what you may
question is why a stranger to critique my personal and intimate words, simple, they have
nothing invested in me. They can say whatever they feel because simply, we don't have
any type of meaningful bond or connection. Now some people might bullshit you, but
if you really read or hear what they're saying or not saying, you can pretty much determine
if they are feeling what your doing, or it didn't move them for whatever reason. But I send
the ones I've constructive in raw form to my assistant, my best friend, a few ex-girlfriends,
my girlfriend, my editor, lawyer and a stranger. I know these people, well at least those I
know, will tell me the truth. If I have to explain what I was trying to explain in my theories,
then I didn't explain it right, and it needs work, or diluted in areas in the same manner.
But basically, I have hundreds of these things, and the number one question everyone
seems to ask or at least think is, " What happened to you when you wrote this that
made you write such things the way you did". Its a time thing, a period of expression
that they personally want to know about, I think. What made you feel or think of this,
that's what they want to know and how they can or can not relate to my thoughts at the
time. I think that's why some of my writings touch certain people, and miss others
because they have either dealt with that topic, or haven't been blessed with the
experience yet. Either way, I equally enjoy hearing their thoughts than them reading
mine because there's growth involved, and that's always good. Its a recycling thing,
and its so cool to converse on things that we all can teach or learn from. Its the
ultimate compliment, share thoughts and trying to understand others thoughts to
understand you and them better. I love it, but lets get back to the theory, I'm dragging
on, though hitting several points.
Well now that I'm thinking about what I'm doing, I should have renamed
this theory because the topic has changed. But I usually start with one title, write,
change the title a few times and mold the contents around it. But lets see what
happens, and who know, this just might work out as a mental sleeper. You see I was
having a conversation with my guys James, Austin and Blair on separate occasions
within the same time of day, and in doing and talking like we do with each other about
life, I just told him that, " I'm numb enough to feel the pain of life, and I'm willing to die
for it". What we were saying is that when we look back on our lives, we want those
times I write about to be the foundation of our future. We want to believe, assure and
insure each other that were right by each other through the pleasures and pain, and
our way of living and thinking is on par or beyond what truly defines greatness,
internally. You see we are trying to do some really outrageous never before done shit.
I'm not talking good or bad, but I'm talking about making a dent in world history on a
positive note the best way we know how. You know, I want my great grand children to
say when I'm dead and gone, " My Papi Chaz wasn't no joke!!!". That's my motivation
because I seen and now vividly remember what my parents did for me. I mean yeah,
most of you will look at me and say you wish you had my problems, but you're not
understanding what I'm saying. Compared to what my family had to go through based
on their educational level, society as a whole and technology, I'm not doing shit, and
way behind the path they blazed. I might have the millions, education and every
material toy known to man, but respect from climbing and doing it with pride and honor,
I'm still a ways away. I'm no criminal or shady man doing business by any means, but
I do not, I repeat, do not, want to be just another guy in a suit. I want those that know me
and think of me to say my name with pride. I mean a tone that vibrates when they say it
because they know I'm doing the same to them. You know people will be people and
think what they think and do what they do, but no matter how meaningless you maybe in
their lives, what ever is done with you in mind, you at least want it to be great. But my
parents deserve for me to be a better person, so regardless on how great I think I may
be, I can give them more and be greater for them, not myself. So my goal as me, is that
if I do have the power to influence anything or one, I want them to say that ," if it works
out with us two on any level, I'm one of the greatest people they ever met, and how equal,
different or in different, I respect that man for being himself". Serious, so maybe that's
what this is all about today. Lets see.
By Anthony Douglas Gere
Did you know that besides those I randomly send my writings to, some people get to read my
theories before others even know they exist. You see I'm in the process of completing my
second novel, and my editor wants me to complete at least 75% of it, so that when they do
release my first one, there wouldn't be a long absence in reaping the rewards in at its
maximum capacity if my first one takes off. I think its brilliant, and very savvy on his marketing
part and team. Any way, after I write one of my theories, I have a support group of people that
I somewhat fully trust. You know, a group of people like you are with your friends when you
ask their advise on a situation, what shoes look good or who you like on American Idol. But
what I do is write it, send it and then talk to them afterwards to see if I made any sense in
which ever topic I tackled on that day or moment. I mean seriously, I think I'm so sometimes
out in my own world when I write, that I need these people to remind me that I'm making a
little sense in what I'm trying to say. Maybe its a security blanket to remind me that if I am
fucked up and out there bouncing off Pluto or Mars, then there's not just one of us, but a few
that we at least know about that enjoys the same view as us.
But what I also do is give one to a complete stranger that I just come in contact with which or
whatever way. I mean anybody. If I'm getting coffee, a club, eating at a restaurant or walking
down the street. I give them one of my business cards to email me, and if they do, I hit
them off with a couple of writings to get an outside opinion. Now usually I don't hear from
them any more, or we do start up a unconditional line of communication based on their
views and my thoughts. But usually I never hear from them again, and I think that
they think I'm either a lunatic for writing such shit, or I've touched a nerve, and they can't
face me for whatever selfish reason they have inside themselves. But what you may
question is why a stranger to critique my personal and intimate words, simple, they have
nothing invested in me. They can say whatever they feel because simply, we don't have
any type of meaningful bond or connection. Now some people might bullshit you, but
if you really read or hear what they're saying or not saying, you can pretty much determine
if they are feeling what your doing, or it didn't move them for whatever reason. But I send
the ones I've constructive in raw form to my assistant, my best friend, a few ex-girlfriends,
my girlfriend, my editor, lawyer and a stranger. I know these people, well at least those I
know, will tell me the truth. If I have to explain what I was trying to explain in my theories,
then I didn't explain it right, and it needs work, or diluted in areas in the same manner.
But basically, I have hundreds of these things, and the number one question everyone
seems to ask or at least think is, " What happened to you when you wrote this that
made you write such things the way you did". Its a time thing, a period of expression
that they personally want to know about, I think. What made you feel or think of this,
that's what they want to know and how they can or can not relate to my thoughts at the
time. I think that's why some of my writings touch certain people, and miss others
because they have either dealt with that topic, or haven't been blessed with the
experience yet. Either way, I equally enjoy hearing their thoughts than them reading
mine because there's growth involved, and that's always good. Its a recycling thing,
and its so cool to converse on things that we all can teach or learn from. Its the
ultimate compliment, share thoughts and trying to understand others thoughts to
understand you and them better. I love it, but lets get back to the theory, I'm dragging
on, though hitting several points.
Well now that I'm thinking about what I'm doing, I should have renamed
this theory because the topic has changed. But I usually start with one title, write,
change the title a few times and mold the contents around it. But lets see what
happens, and who know, this just might work out as a mental sleeper. You see I was
having a conversation with my guys James, Austin and Blair on separate occasions
within the same time of day, and in doing and talking like we do with each other about
life, I just told him that, " I'm numb enough to feel the pain of life, and I'm willing to die
for it". What we were saying is that when we look back on our lives, we want those
times I write about to be the foundation of our future. We want to believe, assure and
insure each other that were right by each other through the pleasures and pain, and
our way of living and thinking is on par or beyond what truly defines greatness,
internally. You see we are trying to do some really outrageous never before done shit.
I'm not talking good or bad, but I'm talking about making a dent in world history on a
positive note the best way we know how. You know, I want my great grand children to
say when I'm dead and gone, " My Papi Chaz wasn't no joke!!!". That's my motivation
because I seen and now vividly remember what my parents did for me. I mean yeah,
most of you will look at me and say you wish you had my problems, but you're not
understanding what I'm saying. Compared to what my family had to go through based
on their educational level, society as a whole and technology, I'm not doing shit, and
way behind the path they blazed. I might have the millions, education and every
material toy known to man, but respect from climbing and doing it with pride and honor,
I'm still a ways away. I'm no criminal or shady man doing business by any means, but
I do not, I repeat, do not, want to be just another guy in a suit. I want those that know me
and think of me to say my name with pride. I mean a tone that vibrates when they say it
because they know I'm doing the same to them. You know people will be people and
think what they think and do what they do, but no matter how meaningless you maybe in
their lives, what ever is done with you in mind, you at least want it to be great. But my
parents deserve for me to be a better person, so regardless on how great I think I may
be, I can give them more and be greater for them, not myself. So my goal as me, is that
if I do have the power to influence anything or one, I want them to say that ," if it works
out with us two on any level, I'm one of the greatest people they ever met, and how equal,
different or in different, I respect that man for being himself". Serious, so maybe that's
what this is all about today. Lets see.